• C.A. Lightfoot

Delays, denials, and doubt

All in the life of a writer, right?

I'll start by saying I was very optimistic a few weeks ago, prepared to take on a new project and the query phase of The Guardian. I had everything I thought I needed, I was prepared.

And then the reality sank in. I've chronicled my struggle with those rejections (Just had another one. Yay.) I guess I wasn't prepared for the gut-punch that comes along with "Your project isn't right for me."

Doubt sinks in. Did they read it? Is it really just not what that agent is looking for or is this thing garbage? Is it worse to know they read it and didn't like it or would I rather they never bothered to open my email?

So, I'm handling this great.

On a personal level - because this is my blog and I can say what I want - my health has taken a big hit. I suffer from a chronic pain condition, which zaps my energy and routinely feels as though someone has repeatedly smacked me in the back with a 2x4. I've run out of my medication (My fault, I have a crappy schedule when it comes to fitting in doctor visits) so now my energy level is at a negative. I have an appointment next Monday, but until then I'm in this pained-brain fog that makes me about as useful as a 2 inch door stop.

To pile on the issues at the moment, my family is making a major change next month and downsizing our life into a travel trailer (Its temporary as we search for a house) so I'm a little stressed out.

All of this makes writing so difficult. I'm still trying to get up early, though my body begs me to sleep at all times. I'm resting as much as I can, but I'm so frustrated. I want to WRITE. Rex Marin and Gabby Godfrey are poking at my brain, begging me to finish their stories. The combination of pain and rejection is just pushing me down at the moment.

I'll get back up, I know I will, but its difficult at the moment.

Maybe I'll read for a while, just to give my brain some much-needed food.

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